A teacher’s job is to teach

I HAD the privilege of being a temporary teacher at a primary school in rural Selangor, but I left feeling truly honoured to have had the experience of being a “cikgu” even if it were only for two weeks.

I am amazed at the amount of work that teachers put in to mould and mentor their young charges and totally agree that it is indeed a noble profession.

Teachers, traditionally, are supposed to teach and educate the young.

They also need to inculcate good moral values in youngsters so they can be better people.

Their focus is not only to teach. They also have to train their students for numerous sporting competitions.

This is not all, they have to single-handedly deal with the organising and preparation involved in getting the medals, gifts and certificates.

What’s more, they attend courses and meetings during school hours and at the same time have to keep up with the syllabus.

As if this isn’t enough, they are bogged down with paper work which involves the filling in of forms and writing reports about the extra-curricular activities.

Looks like the Education Ministry is trying to convert teachers into office workers!

What is the role of the school clerk then? Or have they been given other jobs?

I am told by a teacher that most of the paperwork, like the reports for the extra-curricular activities, is unnecessary and is just done for the sake of pleasing senior officials in the State Education Department and the Education Ministry.

No one actually reads them, and the documents either collect dust or are eventually thrown away. Isn’t this is a waste of time, money and resources?

Based on my observations, the teachers already have a packed schedule and countless books to mark.

They also have to prepare teaching materials before entering the class, but it is worth their effort because it is for the sake of the students.

However, the non-teaching chores take too much time and they are unable to devote enough time to teach their pupils.

Every time when there is degradation in the major exam results, the government will quickly blame a certain policy for failing to achieve its objectives, but has anyone thought that the heavy workload that teachers have to put off with might be the underlying reasons for students to be unprepared for their exams.

I have some suggestions that may be of help to reduce the paperwork that teachers are burdened with.

·Increase the number of clerks in the school as this will reduce the workload of teachers. It will increase job opportunities for those keen on clerical services.

·Train more PJK (Physical Education) teachers, so they can replace core-subject teachers and be specially in charge of training the students and bringing them to participate in the sporting competitions.

·Courses should be conducted during school holidays.

This will enable teachers to complete the syllabus and leave them with considerable time to carry out revision and extra classes for weaker students.

The government has to listen to the people. There is a Chinese proverb which says that sincere advice always sounds harsh to the ears, but it must be acted upon, if we want to see the results.

VINCENT TEH

Via e-mail
http://www.thestar.com.my/education/story.asp?file=/2010/5/23/education/6289955&sec=education

Dirempuh ketika melintas

PUTRAJAYA: Bunyi seretan brek disusuli dentuman kuat mengejutkan beberapa penghuni kawasan perumahan Presint 8 di sini, apabila seorang murid sekolah dilanggar sebuah kereta, petang semalam.

Sebelum kejadian, mangsa, Adibatul Husna Mohamed Rais, 10, murid tahun empat Sekolah Kebangsaan Putrajaya Presint 8 (1) dipercayai berlari melintas jalan selepas panik apabila ditinggalkan rakan, kira-kira jam 2 petang.

Bagaimanapun, sebuah kereta Perodua Myvi dipandu seorang wanita dipercayai tidak sempat membrek sebelum merempuh kanak-kanak berkenaan.


Saksi, Azman Aziz, 49, berkata, dia mendengar sebuah kereta membrek dan mendengar dentuman kuat sebelum bergegas untuk melihat punca bunyi itu. “Ketika sampai di tempat kejadian, saya melihat seorang murid perempuan terbaring di jalan raya dipercayai dilanggar kereta itu.

“Saya menghubungi anak saya yang bekerja di Perbadanan Putrajaya (PPj) sebelum memintanya melaporkan kejadian itu kepada polis dan menghubungi ambulans,” katanya ketika ditemui di tempat kejadian.

Menurutnya, mangsa yang patah tangan kiri dan luka ringan di muka dan kaki dipercayai melintas jalan ke sekolah itu dan tidak menyedari kehadiran kereta yang dipandu laju.

“Mangsa dilanggar berhampiran lintasan pejalan kaki, namun dia tidak menggunakan lintasan berkenaan ketika melintas.

“Sekolah itu tidak mempunyai pengawal lalu lintas dan mengundang bahaya kerana murid sekolah rendah tidak pandai mengagak kelajuan kenderaan,” katanya.

Adibatul Husna dihantar ke Hospital Putrajaya oleh ambulans bagi menerima rawatan.

Sementara itu, jurucakap polis Bahagian Trafik Ibu Pejabat Polis Putrajaya ketika dihubungi mengesahkan kejadian itu yang membabitkan sebuah kenderaan dipandu seorang wanita yang bekerja di Presint 8.

Menurutnya, wanita terbabit sudah membuat laporan kejadian itu, manakala sehingga kini, polis belum menerima sebarang laporan daripada keluarga mangsa.

Oleh Syarifah Dayana Syed Bakri
2010/04/29
http://www.hmetro.com.my/myMetro/articles/Dirempuhketikamelintas/Article

Televisyen punca pengaruh negatif

KUALA LUMPUR - Tabiat menonton televisyen didakwa menjadi punca utama berlakunya obesiti dalam kalangan orang dewasa dan kanak-kanak selain pembawa kesan negatif yang boleh mempengaruhi minda kanak-kanak.

Pengarah Komunikasi Kumpulan Persatuan Pengguna Malaysia (Fomca), Mohd Yusof Abdul Rahman berkata, menonton televisyen secara berlebihan mewujudkan gaya hidup menyendiri dan tidak banyak terlibat dalam aktiviti fizikal selain menyebabkan obesiti.

Atas dasar itu, Fomca melancarkan Kempen Minggu Tidak Menonton Televisyen yang bermula pada 21 hingga 27 April lalu bertujuan membantu mewujudkan kesedaran bahawa masa menonton televisyen perlu dihadkan kepada kurang dua jam sehari.

“Menurut kajian, golongan muda dan kanak-kanak menghabiskan masa antara empat hingga enam jam sehari menonton televisyen berbanding melakukan aktiviti fizikal.

“Jadi, melalui kempen ini kami berharap ibu bapa menyedari bahawa anak tidak boleh terlalu leka menonton televisyen terutama bagi mereka yang berumur dua tahun ke bawah.

"Ini kerana faktor persekitaran dan pengaruh yang dibawa oleh rancangan di televisyen itu sendiri,” katanya pada Sinar Harian pada Program Analisis Kempen Tidak Menonton Televisyen di Tabika Kemas Kem Batu Kentonmen.

Beliau berkata, kempen tersebut dianggap berjaya setelah menerima komen daripada ibu bapa memandangkan sepanjang seminggu kempen, mereka lebih banyak meluangkan masa dan membawa anak menjalani aktiviti riadah sekali gus mengeratkan hubungan terutamanya bagi mereka yang sibuk bekerja.

“Kita dapat reaksi positif daripada ibu bapa, ada yang mengatakan sepanjang mempraktikkan minggu kempen tidak menonton televisyen, mereka lebih mengenali anak mereka kerana ada yang meluahkan perasaan dan masalah.

“Fomca ada memberi buku laporan untuk dicatatkan mengenai aktiviti yang dilakukan bersama -anak dan beberapa cadangan aktiviti alternatif yang boleh dilakukan seperti membawa anak ke Zoo Negara, pergi ke perpustakaan, menolong ibu bapa dan aktiviti riadah lain.

“Kempen ini mendapat sambutan daripada ibu bapa berdasarkan laporan yang dicatatkan,” katanya.

http://www.sinarharian.com.my/selangor/content/story7622137.asp

Kisah sedih

Losing a child is every parents nightmare.
Never across in my mind that one day my child will die before me.

NEVER.

And it happens to me, in split second, he left me forever. Without any
warning, without saying goodbye and never in my mind, it would be this way.

I love him so much.

I miss him so much.

Only ALLAH knows how I feel now, but I must be redha. Ini ketentuan Allah.
No one can stop it. *NO ONE *. Sudah tertulis, ajal Dzafri sudah tiba pada
20hb Mac 2010, pukul 8.50pm. Semuanya sudah tertulis.

My second son, DZAFRI HISYAM BIN KHAIRULANWAR, passed away peacefully on 20
March 2010 at 8.50pm, at ICU/NICU Ampang Puteri and he was 15 months old
(born on 22 September 2008).

He was first diagnosed with dengue (the diagnosed and confirmation of the
dengue was made by our regular pediatrician at Wangsa Maju) and later
transferred to Ampang Puteri on 20 March 2010 (Saturday) because Dzafri had
trouble breathing and the first hospital doesnt have the proper equipment.

The minute we arrived at Ampang Puteri by ambulance, the consultant
pediatrician at the ICU/NICU ward have said this to me, "Your baby is too
sick. What happened? I cannot promise you anything.... "

WHAT?

What?????? Said that again????

But still in my head, I thought to myself that this doctor is wrong. Ya, me,
without any medical background, wants to tell to this experience doctor that
he is wrong. And he continue, "I think this is not dengue, this is something
else. He is too pale. Do he have talasemia?" I quickly replied to him, "No.
What do you mean by something else. The doctor (referring to the earlier
pediatrician) told me it was dengue." "Never mind. I will do the test
first." He replied.

I kept quiet to myself, not saying anything and just let the doctor and his
nurses doing their job. I was with Dzafri in that ICU room, waiting for my
husband and Dzarif as I arrived earlier with the ambulance. Still in shock
of what the doctor told me, but I still remaining calm. Tapi dalam hati, Ya
Allah, Tuhan saja tahu. I just want to scream, yell, cry ... and all I want
to do at that time is Dzafri to be ok and we can all go home.

Dzafri was put on oxygen, drip, wayar sana sini-at his chest, hand, his
little feet .... He starts to merengek, maybe because tak selesa dgn
wayar-wayar yang banyak tu. He didnt cried, but he wants me to hold him
tight. Tapi macam mana nak dukung him with all the wayar, dari hidung,
lengan, tgn, kaki semuanya ada. I tried to make him comfortable as I could,
but I know, he's scared. Me too..

After 1/2 hour in the ward, Dzafri tertidur and I quickly make my way to the
registration counter as hubby is stuck in the traffic jammed. habis urusan
di kaunter tu, I quickly ran back to the ward and there, the doctor is
waiting for me to show Dzafri chest Xray.

"Its pneumonia. Its getting worst. What actually the doctor told you?"

I explained to him the whole thing, from the first day Dzafri had his demam
which is on Monday night, we went to see his pediatrician on Wednesday and
was admitted on Friday because the doctor suspected dengue or viral fever,
and which the blood test done on Friday and Saturday with the platlet count
drop to 28, the pediatrician confirmed it was dengue but, Dzafri had trouble
breathing since Wednesday and the pediatrician told me its only phlegm and
something to do with Croup bacteria/virus.

"No. This is nothing to do with dengue or viral fever. Its pneumonia and his
chest Xray shows that his right lung is filled with pus ? (nanah) and he
need to be operate immediately" .

I was nearly fainted.

My hubby was outside at the visitor lounge, waiting with Dzarif, because kid
under 12 are not allowed to be in the ICU ward and we had nobody to look
after him. I agreed with the operation thing and quickly ran to my husband,
asked him to see the doctor and explained to him once more. Just before
that, another doctor came into the room. The nurse introduced him as the
Pakar Bedah Paru-paru. He was holding the chest xray and was saying
something to the first doctor. Then, he explained to me. This time, his
words really make me want to cry.

"Its pneumonia but I ternampak satu benda asing dalam paru-paru dia ni.. I
rasa ada ketumbuhan. Growth."

"Growth?"

"Tumor"

YA ALLAH!!!

At that time, I am really confused. Sad. The reason the whole transfer thing
from the previous hospital to Ampang Puteri is because he has trouble
breathing and the doctor there confirmed that it was dengue.

How can from dengue be a tumor?

He never sick before. Only demam, selsema like the rest of other kids. Bagi
ubat, dia baik. Tidak pernah pun dia terbaring lama, kesakitan. Never. He
never get sick before. I really dont understand.

"Your doctor tak pernah instruct for Xray?" Asked the surgeon again.

"No. And I pun tak pernah terfikir nak hantar dia for Xray coz dia tak
pernah sakit".

"Its not your fault. The doctor should advise you. We need to sent him for
scan. Then baru I betul-betul boleh confirm whether its tumor or something
else. But from my experience, its tumor and maybe dah lama kat sini, maybe
since birth. Pneumonia is because of the tumor. I cuma boleh tahu the size,
berapa lama and what kind of tumor after the scan. Then baru I boleh buat
surgery."

Again, I just kept quiet, trying very hard to understand all this. Dzafri
starts merengek balik, and this time, I started to cry. I asked the doctor
to discuss it with my husband. I went to get him, again, I have to wait with
Dzarif at the visitor lounge. Only few minutes inside the ward, he came to
get me, saying that Dzafri is crying and looking for me.

I quickly ran to get him, seeing that the nurses try to pujuk him but he's
still crying and mengamuk rimas because of the wayar. The nurses prepared
him to sleep, as before can get into the scan, he must sleep.

With the help of the nurses, I tried to give him the ubat tidur. Its a sweet
syrup, but my poor boy refused to take it. Its not like normal Dzafri who
loved to eat, drink, even ubat. Since Wednesday, his selera makan kurang and
starts on Friday, he refused to drink, eat and even takes his milk. Its so
sad bila mengenangkan, yang dia memang suka makan, but dia akhir hayat dia,
he cant eat.... maybe because sakit yang ditanggung .... I dont know. I
really dont. Sampai sekarang, everytime I ate, I must remember him, because
he is my partner when makan time. He will walk towards me or starts mumbling
when he saw his plate or my plate or any foods in my hand.......

Even though the portion of the ubat given to him suitable for his age and
weight, he still cant sleep. He start merengek again, pulling all the wayar,
tried to sit on the bed and he looked at me with his sad eyes, asking me to
hold him. The nurses help me with the wayar, and I hold him tight, tried to
put him to sleep. Because if he cant sleep, they cant put him into the scan
machine. Still, he cant sleep after holding him for almost 15 minutes. The
nurse put him to IV, with hope that he will sleep, but no .... He merengek
lagi kuat, pulling all the wayar, pusing sana sini, wants me to hold him
....... I tried to calm him down, pujuk dia, berzikir, and looks like he wants
to sleep ..... but I was wrong.

It was 8.35pm.

He starts to tersentak-sentak, like kena fit. I thought its fit because dia
pernah kena fit on 4 November 2009 and 1 February 2010. I yelled to the
nurse, saying that dia kena fit, but the nurse reply to me ....

"Ni bukan fit kak"

Before she could finish her sentence, she quickly called out all of the
nurses in the ICU/NICU ward and the doctors. Just a split second, there is
about 7, 8 nurses in the room and one of them had asked me to leave the
room. That minute I know something terrible happened.

I was crying , more into menjerit, meraung, asking the nurses what's going
on. 2 of them tried to calm me down, asked me to sit on the chair as I
nearly collapsed. I tak sedar, my husband were there with Dzarif. I couldnt
say anthing, only sat there and cried. Dzarif come to me and hug me, saying
to me not to cry. I even cry loud, saying that I am sad because adik sick.

My husband were asking me what had happened as he spent most of the time at
the visitor lounge because he cant be with Dzafri in the ward because need
to take care Dzarif. I told him what had happened. Dia terkejut, quickly
berdoa for Dzafri and asked me to do the same.

Then, the doctor came and see my husband.

"I cannot promise you anything. I think there's no hope, but I will try my
best."

My husband can only said, Ya Allah.

I cried.

And only after 2 minutes, the doctor came to us again.

I cant barely hear what he's saying but my husband came to me.

Hug me and kiss me.

"Dzafri dah tak ada, yang. Ya Allah."

And it was 8.50pm.

I still sit on the chair, crying like I never cried before.

Screaming.

My husband went into the room. I was still outside, this time I was sitting
on the floor, making calls to my family and friends.

I cant walked to the room. I have no strength to do that. I just cant. I
couldnt face this. My son is gone.

I am so sad. I could not explained more. No words can described it.

It felt like my chest just being stabbed.

Ya Allah. Beratnya dugaan yang Kau berikan kali ini.

After I have called my friends, Maria and Zul, called my aunties, my
brother. Then I called my mom. The minute I told her that Dzafri had passed
away, my dad pengsan. Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku. Berilah aku kekuatan. Then I
called my mom again to make sure that she and my dad are ok. Luckily, my
aunty just stayed near there and a cousin had offered to drive my parent
from Kluang, Johor to KL that night.

Then, I slowly walked to Dzafri room.

There he was, lying on the bed.

I cant hear his voice again.

No 'mama' to greet me.

No chicky smile to welcome me.

No bye bye hand from him.

He just lying there.

He's gone. Forever.

I held him tight. Crying, screaming his name. Saying No. I dont why, but I
said "No, Dzafri. No."

I dont know how long i cried, screaming his name.

Then, I sat. I was tired.

I asked the nurses, "Betul ke dik dia dah tak ada".

The nurse looked at me, "Betul kak. Dia dah tak ada."

I repeatedly asked her the same question. And she reply me with the same
answer.

My Dzafri is no longer with me.

I miss him. Today (1 April 2010) is the 12th day since he passed away.

But I can still hear his voice.

I can still hear his cries.

I can still remember his laughter.

I can still smells him.

And I still remember his smile.

*
Ya Allah, aku redha dgn ketentuanMu. Berilah aku semangat dan kekuatan dalam
menempuh dugaan Mu yang besar dan berat ini, Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya, Kau
Maha Pengasih, Maha Pengampun. Segala-gala yang terjadi adalah kehendak mu
Ya Allah dan aku sebagai hambaMu, redha dengan segalanya. Tempatkanlah
Dzafri di sisi M,u di kalangan orang beriman, di syurga Mu. Kau temukanlah
kami bersamanya di syurga Mu, Ya Allah. - Amin. *

*Dzafri, *

*Mummy love you so much. I am going to miss you forever. Not only me, ayah,
abang, totok, grandma, uncle adik, auntie mek, and all of us will missing
you dearly. I love you dear. No words can described how much I miss you
right now. I love you dear. I have to let you go. But I'm going to miss you
forever and my love will never fade. You are my only DZAFRI.

Don't talk to Strangers

POLICE believe that there are windows of opportunity for abduction to happen when children are at school.

"Some schools are pretty safe -- they have a guardhouse and the security guard is always at attention. We also understand that their gates are usually closed during school hours. But there are some that are probably not as careful," said Deputy Superintendent Norisah Ab Hamid, who heads the children's investigation unit under the sexual and children's investigation division, or D11.

Police are also concerned that children are left largely to their own devices once the school bell rings. It doesn't help that most children today are "very friendly".

"They talk to strangers freely. Parents should tell them not to talk to strangers. Teach them to say 'no'. Teach your child to shout for help if a stranger approaches or touches him or her," she said.

Young children, especially those under 15, are more vulnerable and should never be left alone, she added.

However, current statistics show that cases of missing children usually occur around the child's home.

Some examples would be the abduction of Nurin Jazlin Jazimin and Sharlinie Mohd Nasar.

Nurin, 8, was reported missing while on her way to the night market near her house in Wangsa Maju on Aug 20, 2007. Her naked body was later found stuffed into a sports bag and left in the stairwell of a shoplot in Petaling Jaya a month later.

Five-year-old Sharlinie was reported missing while playing outside her house in Taman Medan on Jan 9, 2008.

"From the reports we've received, it seems that such incidents are happening closer to home," Norisah said.

She said when it comes to the safety of children, everyone has a responsibility, not just the parents or teachers.

"Be a busybody. If you see a child playing somewhere all alone, ask the child to go home or notify the parents. Each of us can help prevent a crime."

National Parent-Teacher Association president Associate Professor Datuk Mohd Ali Hasan pointed out that the culture of safety and security in schools was still lacking.

"We need more stringent security measures, especially in preschools. Strangers can easily enter some schools and preschools," said Ali.

A case in point would be the hammer attack on three 6-year-old pupils in Muar, Johor, by a man wearing a crash helmet who had rushed into their kindergarten.

The pupils from Tadika Sinario were hit on the head and had to be rushed to the Sultanah Fatimah Specialist Hospital.

The man had reportedly jumped over the fence and kicked open the grille door of the kindergarten before attacking the pupils.

Ali suggested random spot checks be conducted by the Inspectorate of Schools to check on the safety measures of all schools.

"Our safety system is not adequate. Children can easily be abducted. There should also be safety drills and safety committees in all schools. The committees should present monthly reports at parent-teacher association meetings," said Ali.

2010/04/25
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/articles/SECUCOL2/Article/index_html

Is your spouse a bad parent?

http://parenthots.com/features/Is-your-spouse-a-bad-parent.aspx
22 March 2010
By BRIGITTE ROZARIO

The definition of a bad parent is very subjective. It could be someone who neglects, abandons or abuses his children. Or it could even be a parent who provides financially but isn't there emotionally or psychologically for the children.

If you are reading this article, chances are you think your spouse isn't committed enough to the children or isn't spending enough time with your kids.

Family life educator Charis Patrick says it does happen and it's not always the dad, too. Even mums are sometimes guilty of this.

She explains that sometimes it is because the parent feels they are not ready for a baby and would rather run away from the responsibility.

“If your marriage is at a stage where you can communicate then I would suggest you talk it out with your spouse.

“Tell him or her that this is your child and you can't cope by yourself and you both need to take care of the child together.

“If he or she still cannot be bothered then I think you have to carry out your parenting role the best that you can while continuously trying to bring your spouse in,” says Patrick.

Assign tasks

She advises the responsible parent to study the strengths of their spouse. If the hands-off parent is not good at changing diapers or managing the child's meals, then perhaps give him or her some other task such as taking care of the money.

This means that when the child starts going to school, the job of liaising with the school will fall on one parent and the job of giving out the pocket money will be the other parent's job.

“Don't suddenly give your spouse 10 tasks to do. He or she will be so overwhelmed. Perhaps you could start with three things to begin with that you know he or she will be quite willing to take up. Or ask him/her: 'I know you feel overwhelmed with childcare, what are the three things you would like to start with?'

“When your spouse feels it is possible maybe he or she will feel motivated to come in and join you in this parenting journey,” she adds.

If your children are already schoolgoing they will tell you if they think dad or mum isn't spending enough time with them.

However, for smaller children you would be planning their routine and it would be up to you to monitor if your spouse isn't spending enough time with them.

“A very common scenario is when you want to take the family out but your husband does nothing about it and seems disinterested. I would tell the woman to plan and propose the outing and get him to approve it. Just tell him the time and date, tell him when to take leave and then make it happen. And, really hope that he enjoys that time so that he will be motivated to do it again the next time,” says Patrick.

Alternatively, you could tell him to plan the next outing. That's another way to get him involved.

Don't overdo it

If your spouse is assigned to plan an outing and he fails to plan anything, don't drive yourself crazy trying to organise that outing for him.

Let the whole family go through the consequence of him failing to plan the outing.

“As much as you guide and support, sometimes you just have to let the family enjoy the natural consequences so that he will sense the disappointment of the children and he will be motivated the next time to do better and not disappoint the whole family,” says Patrick.

She warns parents, especially women, not to overdo it when it comes to planning routines and outings for the family. There is the risk that you are so good at planning that your spouse acknowledges it and insists you keep doing it.

She explains that typically women tend to do too much in some families. What happens then is that the wife/mother is so efficient that she does all the tasks herself, not leaving space for her husband to play his role as the father.


Patrick: 'If you step back will your spouse step in to do more?'
“You have to see the dynamics. If you step back will your spouse step in to do more? And if your spouse is really quite bad at parenting, then you may have to maintain a lot of the responsibility for a while for the sake of the children. Meanwhile continue that negotiation with your spouse. You won't know how he will respond until you try so maybe you should learn how to take a step back. It's quite difficult for some women who have an overperforming role.”

Golf and holiday dads

How about the once-a-year-holiday dads or the golf dads?

Patrick reminds parents that relationships are not built on once-a-year vacations. Building a relationship is a daily affair. The same goes for golf dads who work hard and then play golf on the weekends, leaving the wife to handle the family.

“Honestly speaking it doesn't take a lot for a golf-playing dad to just make sure when he comes back from work every day that he connects with his child. If they are small, read to them a bedtime story. If they are teenagers, talk to them about their world views, their thinking or about their day. And that will be the great connect when you go for your annual vacation.

“It doesn't work if you have not been connecting day to day and suddenly you go for a vacation together. You won't know how to be together for 24 hours a day in a resort. It is meaningless if you go for a family holiday when you're all off doing your own thing (instead of spending time together).

“If you ask me if taking a family vacation will make up for the lost time on a regular basis, I will say no,” says Patrick.

If, despite all your efforts, your spouse still insists he or she has no time for the children because he or she has to work, then there needs to be a conversation between the husband and wife.

Perhaps a compromise can be met whereby your spouse agrees to come home early once a week. It needs to be early enough to see the children before they go to bed.

“Those who have a choice need to make their children a priority. Some families really have no choice because they need to work hard and work overtime because they need the money to keep the family going.

“The wonderful thing is that if the child knows you are working super hard to pay the bills and therefore you have no time for them usually they will understand. If you have a choice to come back but prefer to be out or spend time with other people, they will know that you don't care about them,” she explains.

What if your spouse really does want to do more but he or she is really bad at certain tasks that even your child prefers you to do it? For example, your child might prefer you to do crafts with her because dad just messes it up.

“For me, as long as he's prepared to step in it's a very good sign. It may not be up to your standard and perhaps you will just have to suffer that lower standard for a while. Whether the child is happy or not is less important than dad's involvement because his involvement is a long-term plan. He needs time to grow into that role. Unless you give him the time and space to grow, mature and be good at that, he will never learn and the last thing you want to do is push him out of that role.

“I think men need a lot of encouragement for the small achievements. Don't put them down.”

The ex-spouse

What happens if the hands-off and non-committal parent is your ex-husband or ex-wife? It could be that they're not spending enough time with the children or they want to take the children out for a treat at 10pm on a school night.

Says Patrick:

“If the 'bad' parent is an ex-spouse, I will explain to the child that because daddy and mummy live in different households, we have different families and different rules now. You could perhaps say, 'I know that when you go there you are allowed to play games the whole day and indulge. Because that is not my family anymore, I can't say anything but I want to let you know that when you come back to my family, my rules apply.'

“The child needs to know that. If the child is mature enough, I will try to explain the consequences to all the things that they are allowed to indulge in at the other parent's house.

“I would be very honest and tell the child that I have no control on what happens on the other side but perhaps they might want to think it through on their own and make their own decisions. This way, if your ex-spouse wants to take them out late on a school night, they can then choose whether to go or not. At least you plant that thought in the child to let him or her know that they have a choice.

“I would never attempt to change the other parent who is an ex-spouse, but I would let the child know that when they are with me my rules still apply and they have a choice when they are in the other parent's house. And I would remind myself not to say bad things about the other person.

“If your ex-spouse wants to take the children out on a school night when the child is with you, then I would put my foot down. The child needs some routine. Explain to your ex that the children would love to go out with her/him but not tonight because it's a school night.

“It may not be easy but if I have custody then I would do what's in the best interest of the child. I would then say 'No' and the other parent has no right to come and take my child because it's outside of their visitation time/rights with the child. Still, be very cordial about it. It's important not to get emotional because that's when it's very bad for the child because the child will feel very torn.”

She says that parents should never try to explain or make excuses for the other party because you can never be accurate. Even if you manage to, you'll probably be half lying and the child will know it.

If you are divorced, it is best not to try and control what happens when your children are with their other parent.

Your children will eventually realise that you have very little say in what happens on the other side and when you're transparent and honest they will really appreciate you.

Are girls smarter than boys?

http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20100321-205879.html

IS THE education system more suited to the learning style of girls? Is that why boys are lagging behind girls in public examinations and why boys are outnumbered at public universities?

No, says Malaysian Qualifications Agency (MQA) chief executive officer Datuk Dr Syed Ahmad Hussein.

Syed Ahmad says it is not a gender-based problem but rather a sociological one.

"It is a recent phenomenon as it was not a problem 10 years ago. What it is, I'm not sure. It needs to be studied. Maybe Malaysian boys are spoilt and get away with many things, including not studying hard.

"It is possible that girls perform better in an exam-oriented system but that does not mean girls would not perform as well in an alternative system."

He says some people suggest that boys perform better in a hands-on learning environment rather than one which requires a lot of memorisation.

However, says Syed Ahmad: "The results might be the same if the system is changed. I still hold to the position that we should have an education system that prescribes lifelong learning.

"There should be enough channels for people to return to a formal education system whenever they want.

"We should not be obsessed with having an equal number of boys and girls in the top 10. We should be obsessed with every Malaysian having continuous opportunities to continue their education whenever they want."

Malaysian Association of Private Colleges and Universities (Mapcu) president Dr Parmjit Singh says while there was absolutely nothing wrong with girls doing better than boys, it was important to recognise why boys were not doing as well as the girls.

"It is common knowledge among parents of young children that the learning process that the boys are adapted to is quite different from that of girls.

"What is critical and crucial now is to have an education process that lends itself to the way both boys and girls learn and to bring out the best in them. Even in higher education, we see some differences in the way boys and girls learn."

He says if the disparity continued to persist, it would mean the nation would not get the best out of the boys.

"The education system should align itself to suit the learning patterns of both boys and girls."

Parmjit says anyone taking a cursory look at any classroom today would see boys being restless and bored.

"It's the boys' behavioural patterns, make-up and learning patterns. For example, when you buy something new, a boy will not be patient enough to look at the instructions.

"He will fiddle around with it until he finds out how it works. They are more experimental and hands-on.

"Girls have a tendency to not experiment so much. They will look at the instruction booklet or ask their peers.

"These are just the ways people learn. To get them to learn, the learning process has to adapt to the learning needs of both boys and girls."

MQA deputy chief executive officer Prof Zita Mohd Fahmi, however, feels there is nothing wrong with the education system.

"I think girls are very hardworking. When I was the dean of a law school, the female students' scores at the point of entry were already better than the males.

"This is not an issue isolated to Malaysia. I don't think there is anything wrong with the education system. I think in the Asian context, parents are more lenient with boys.

"I have two sons and two daughters and I find the girls' approach to life is different. But maybe the school environment should be more conducive and cater to the needs of both genders."

Academician Professor Emeritus Tan Sri Khoo Kay Kim agrees that the problem is not with the education system.

"If you look at the culture of the people, in particular Malays and Indians, Malay and Indian girls are not allowed that much freedom compared with Chinese girls.

"Due to that, the girls tend to give more attention to their studies while the boys are running wild.

"Chinese boys have that something extra which is helpful to them. They believe that if you succeed in education, you will become a successful person in life, although empirical evidence shows that most of the successful businessmen in Malaysia had very little education."

Khoo says parents and teachers have an integral role to play in this regard.

"We cannot just look at the schools. Parents on the whole are very ignorant. Many have old-fashioned ideas and feel that if their child chooses to do history and geography, they will not be able to get employed.

"But the truth is, most of those who are unemployed are science graduates. One example are IT (information technology) graduates.

"How many successful people were straight A students in the past?

"Teachers must always try to recognise the talent in a particular child. They must recognise what the child is able to do best and then help the child develop his or her talent.

"Now, they treat all the children as one child. This was not the way of teachers in the past."